Blogs for Better Living

True Ahimsa – Nonviolence towards Yourself

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The Buddhist principle of ‘ahimsa’ or nonviolence is today a central tenet in many spiritual circles including New Age Philosophy. It suggests vegetarianism and a general attitude of respect towards all living things. Obviously, it also means that one does not physically harm anyone or anything.

What is the purpose of this principle, and does it accomplish what it sets out to do?

The origin of this can be traced to a general feeling of sensitivity, compassion, and connectedness with other sentient beings. Particularly when a person is involved with religion or spirituality, their sensitivity tends to grow as their energy and thoughts start aligning with higher principles of peace and love.

This ideology has general validity. There is senseless chaos in violence. It accomplishes nothing. It creates negativity and can cause physical and emotional harm.

Even more senseless however, and more common and more poisonous, is self-inflicted violence.

It has many forms. At its extreme, it can be seen in suicide, self-mutilation, etc. But at its core it is a much simpler phenomenon. Self-inflicted violence has its roots in a simple non-recognition of your own true nature.

That true nature that is ever radiant, loving, kind, and intelligent is often hidden in people to varying degrees. In extreme cases a person can become a murderer who has an immense fear of life, or a rapist who is deeply insecure about his or her sexuality. In less intense cases, it is simply the collective forgetfulness and misery of human life.

We are constantly ignoring our gut feelings and inner nature. We make decisions for the sake of others – based on collective opinion or review. We choose friends and lovers based on what we are comfortable with (people that do not touch our insecurities), rather than on the bases of what we know is right and deeply excites us. We suppress emotions and ignore thoughts that are unusual, for they might result in conflict.

In doing all this we experience a superficial peace – which is a sense of security. But if we look closely, we will see a pattern within this deep need for comfort. The truth is that since we are exteriorized individuals – constantly in interaction and needing to attend to our own survival in the outer world – we have simple settled for a more superficial version of what we truly want.

That is, we have settled for general social acceptance, rather than our own acceptance of ourselves.

When you learn to be intimate with your own self, understand and accept it, a new sense of security comes to be. It is a sense of security that is infinitely free – for it comes from a comfort in the knowledge that one doesn’t need any kind of security at all to feel safe!

Getting in touch with your own inner self is not a difficult task. It is a function of time and intent. When somebody, after suffering, realizes that they have ‘lost something’ or ‘lost touch’, seeking silent refuge in their own existence becomes the natural calling. At a less transformational but still pleasant level, this can be a spa weekend or a camping trip. At a more profound stage, it can mean quitting a job, meeting new people or letting go of old relationships that do not nurture you anymore.

But the fundamental lesson is this: it is when you forget yourself that you harm yourself. When you harm yourself, you hurt inside. When you hurt inside you lash out.

Self-love and nonviolence with oneself are the only real keys to transforming your own behavior in a way that it becomes truly positive around others. It is also the only way to feel whole.

What is love?

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What is Love


What is love? Baby don’t hurt me…

In 1993, Trinidadian-born German vocalist and musician Nestor Alexander Haddaway posed this essential question that has been in the hearts and minds of people since time immemorial.

Is this love that I am feeling? Have I fallen in love? What is love?

Is love attraction? Is it lust? Is it a deep, undying emotion – a bond?

Is Love a Biochemical Reaction?

In the critically acclaimed book, The Biology of Love, Arthur Janov writes that love is essentially a biological experience. It is a hormonal and neurochemical event, he says, that shapes our very lives right from when we are in our mother’s womb, till the day we die.

This line of thinking, while only becoming recently popular – perhaps due to the recent increase in atheism – is now surprisingly common. Disappointed by unfulfilled prayers and exhausted by many draining relationships, people are now flocking to this new belief. And it doesn’t start and end with love. The entire substance of religion, spirituality and truth are under question.

Love and Popular Belief

The reality is that It’s easier to identify with the most dominant school of thought than to investigate, understand, and form opinions oneself. While atheism and scientific-truth claim to not be religions, they perhaps might just be so. People that adopted religion in the past frequently did it out of a need to identify with some body of thought that made them feel safe and understood. All that has changed is society and the frame of reference. It once felt safer to believe in God. Now, the thought that there isn’t one is can be more comforting.

Proponents of scientific-truth have a lot to answer to – questions from their own field that remain unanswered. Quantum physics has discovered that micro-particles such as electrons and photons behave differently based on nothing but the fact that someone is watching them. This is called ‘stream of consciousness’. The particles vibrate and move in different patterns, all conditions kept the same, just because they are being looked at by a real person. This raises a critical question about methods of scientific study. If there can be such a basic bias in experiments – where nothing is really behaving as it would if people were not investigating – how can scientific-truth be an absolute?

And what of studies that show water crystals forming in different patterns based on just who is present? These experiments have provided shocking evidence that there is something alive in our consciousness that is beyond just the brain and its biological functions. We have a capacity to influence reality, and not just to participate in it.

And the Answer is…

Coming back to the original question – ‘What is Love’ – we can answer – love is one of the possible ways that you can influence reality. It not something as rudimentary as biochemical reactions in the body – and nor is it simply attraction or a deep and endless feeling. It is a way of being.

How to Experience Love

To close upon what this way of being is, let’s look at the way of being of most people in the human population.

Motivated primarily by self-interest (which, in truth, comes from a disconnect between their fundamental experience of themselves and the reality of who they are), most people are lost in a vicious cycle of trying to obtain. They try to obtain material wealth, social wealth (friends), and emotional wealth (feelings). They seek pleasure and avoid pain. They do everything possible to make their basic experience of themselves feel good. But they never succeed.

The desire for wealth soon becomes greed, and no number of yachts or offshore bank accounts satisfy. They might have thousands of friends on Facebook, but not one they can confess their true unhappiness to. They might even have a ‘significant other’ – the holy grail of a joyous life – but they feel distant and communicate on a level that is only practical. Taking care of kids, getting to work, making dinner and having sex often form the entirety of their relationship. Their romance is based on reminiscing about the past, telling each other how attractive they are, or going to new places that make the relationship feel less stale.

But something is always missing. That something is themselves.

Ordinary man can be said not to really exist. This is because he typically lives in a dreamlike existence where he ‘follows the crowd’. His own desires and interests are government by what the public communicates to be desirable or interesting. He has nothing he can truly call his own.

But what happens when one becomes aware of this dream?

The truth of this lies in the very awareness that recognizes the dream. If something (a consciousness) can recognize a dream, it is obviously free from that dream. It is luminous and intelligent enough to recognize something that is an object to it.

So, if we are not this dream, who are we?

Look Within…

Only this very inquiry can awaken us to who and what we are. Looking for answers in religion, science, and philosophy is looking for an outward solution to an inward problem. And the very problem is that we are not looking inward. Nothing outside of us can pull us out of this dream because it the dreamer we must awaken to.

Awakening to this releases our energy. Initially, our mind is tied to different aspects of the dream such as our job, friends, spouse etc. When we disconnect (and it doesn’t have to be literally and physically, but rather on the level of our thinking), we discover just how much and of what kind of energy we are made.

This energy is vibrant, creative, playful and abundant. It is simple and profound at the same time.

Living with this energy becomes a way of being. This way of being can be called love.

This energy makes us feel like giving, caring, sharing and being kind. This is not only towards others but towards ourselves too. It makes us feel nurtured, whole and well.

So that’s Love!

Only a person in touch with this energy can experience love. And it is a directionless experience –there is no real direction to the flow. Not only are you loving other people, you are loving yourself, loving life and loving love itself. It is infinitely liberating and beautiful.

Live the dream, but also wake up to the dreamer.

The Psychology of Addiction – and How to Quit

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Alcohol, cigarettes, sleep, sex, food, sugar – the list goes on. People today are strongly addicted to one or more objects that give immediate but fleeting pleasure.

8-Step Programs, rehab, support groups, de-addiction medicine, counseling, herbal remedies – this list goes on too. Solutions to addiction are a dime a dozen and their success rate is very poor.

Why is this? It is because these solutions seek to substitute the addiction with something ‘better’. They try to add to subtract.

If you look closely, you will find that the very root of addictive behavior is to substitute a negative emotion or thought with something ‘better’. Addicts are already doing the very thing that they are told to do to be free from addiction!

In truth, we are attempting to remedy our own fundamental inability to be at peace with ourselves.

The intelligent thing to do, when we see the repercussions of our addictions on ourselves and our loved ones, is to understand why we are doing it.

Trying to stop it ‘cold turkey’ or adding some other ‘positive’ element to our life instead will never really work. This is because we are addressing the symptom, not the problem.

It is like giving more gas to a car that is refusing to start. It may work once or twice, but you are not solving the actual problem under the chassis.

Addiction operates under a similar principle. Until you understand WHY you are addicted, you will never be free from its cycle. What makes it worse is that it is self-fulfilling. The same emotion – which is to get ‘better’ – that is behind de-addiction theory, is behind addiction itself.

That is, the need to feel good and not bad. To seek pleasure and to avoid pain. If we keep substituting and morphing the different kinds of pleasures and pains with one another, we will be stuck in this vicious cycle.

The whole issue stems from a rather simple inability to be at peace with oneself. A cigarette smoker is not comfortable with the moments he has nothing to do. He develops a habit of smoking. An alcoholic is troubled by his own emotions or thoughts. He turns to the bottle to forget himself. A sex-addict simply feels that he is not good enough on his own. He has a constant desire to be sexually involved with someone else.

But here’s the great thing. As you become aware of this pattern, you start to understand yourself. This understanding that re-directs energy from ‘solutions to a problem’ to ‘the problem’ and ultimately to your own simple existence, is an open secret that can transform not only your present addictions, but your addictive personality as well.

As you become aware of your own self, you realize that it is still, intelligent, and full of life. You realize that it is self-contained, and that you can actually ‘live’ there. You don’t need to move from it constantly to feel comfortable. It has simplicity, solidity, and a quality of strength that is relaxing.

If you are comfortable with your experience of yourself as you are, you will not become an addict. You can enjoy a cigarette or a glass of wine, but without it you are just as happy.

This is the true meaning of de-addiction. It is coming to terms with what is and who you are and learning to be comfortable and to live there. Addiction is not a problem and would never have been considered one if people didn’t claim to have solutions to it. It simply needs to be understood deeply and personally.

Passion and Grace

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Passion and Grace

Divine grace is the greatest thing that can transform our lives. Whether it be a simple force that helps you in your career or business, the grace that finds you someone to love, or the one that simply transforms your mindset and beliefs, it is the only thing that we can have that profoundly changes our fundamental experience of ourselves.

But grace must be met, if not halfway, somewhere along the line. You must be in some ready state that it can act around you, and that state is a result of you aligning your life with your true purpose.

The most powerful transformative agent that we can experience on a personal level is passion. Passion is our only guiding light and the only thing that makes any journey worthwhile. Without passion, life is empty, and grace cannot enter.

The first step is to find your passion. Oftentimes we already know it or have an inkling, but what we are passionate about requires us to untie connections with other aspects of our lives. This can be daunting, and many people spend years and decades doing something they are not truly passionate about – all the while knowing deep inside what it is that would truly make their lives worthwhile.

Courage is the cinder that sparks passion. Have courage to follow your passion. Have courage to be passionate!

When a man is passionate, he is consumed by a living fire. This fire does not burn bridges, it instead forges them. A man that is passionate is in tune with himself. He starts doing things that are truly good for him. Then, grace can enter and temper that passion into a life that is truly whole.

“Positive thinking” may not be most positive!

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It is said by many life coaches that one should ‘think positive’. That ‘thinking positive’ is the key to success.

If one really looks closely, one finds a contradiction.

First off, one does not always think consciously. There are passive thoughts, and we have little control over them.

Practicing “positive thinking” can transform some of the passive thinking, but it cannot change its roots. Something deeper in us needs to be impacted for that to happen.

Practicing “positive thinking” also creates a polarity within ourselves – a right and a wrong. It creates guilt and angst when we experience negative thoughts and a superficial elation when we experience positive ones.

In the practice of positive thinking, what happens when you find negative thoughts creeping in? The act of positive thinking seeks to use time, energy and forcefulness to override and create new messages within and around us. The expected outcome is that one will manifest this positive thinking.

One needs to recognize that our thinking is typically a “rinse-repeat” mechanism that just replays our past thoughts and impressions. It is not yet a reflection of a creative and positive self.

Only by going into a state of acceptance, surrender and allowing can we become our true selves. This self is inherently positive. Our thinking then reflects its vibrant and harmonious nature.

Think about it. If we are indeed something worthy of the benefits of positive thinking, doesn’t that make us magnificent beings? Else it is just an attempt at being more selfish.

And if we are magnificent beings, what is it that makes us seem less than so to ourselves? It is just a conditioned way of being.

And it is not re-conditioning ourselves with positive thinking that we require – but de-conditioning ourselves of negative thinking. And the only way to de-condition ourselves is to become open to the potential of all that we are. This is done by allowing.

The critical difference between Allowing and Attracting

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The idea of “attraction” have been given a lot of attention in recent years.

Perhaps a better idea is ‘allowing’ rather than ‘attracting’.

The universe is infinite and is already giving us what we need. We think we know better, and are not in a receiving space and hence we do not get it. There is no need to ‘’attract’’ – we must just allow.

When we talk about ‘’attraction’’ we try to create a specific outcome. By thinking this way, we act upon our preconceived notions.

Perhaps you want a new car – a middle-market Honda. What if the universe really feels you should have a Mercedes? By allowing we can meet the universe and accept the Mercedes. By attracting we just get a Honda!

More positive coincidences occur when you are in a state of allowing rather than attracting. The universe has infinite time and energy to expend on each person. By attracting we spend our own time, energy and resources on trying to get what we want – which may or may not be the right thing for us. By allowing we instead carry on with our lives, and receive what benefits us most without doing a thing.

If you realize that the ‘tapestry of time’ has already been woven, you realize that everything that could happen within your life is already available. Instead of thinking about what you want – when you allow the universe to think for you – you get the highest version of what is available to you.

What you need is always less than what you ought to have – for you are a magnificent being of the highest order and your life should be an expression of the infinite and not a small causal vessel within it.

Your only task is to be one with yourself and the universe. By doing so you become transparent. In your transparency you become an expression of the infinite and of your boundless self.

Allowing creates a space within which the most complete version of yourself can actualize. By attracting, you limit yourself and the world around you to the causal stream of repeating impressions.

‘Doing’ vs ‘BEING’

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Over a period of time – when we live completely within our minds – we lose touch with our inner selves and we begin to feel lost.

I have discovered that this happens when we are in a ‘DOING’ mode all the time, rather than in ‘BEING’. The latter means to live from our inner self and is a state of ALLOWING.

However, BEING does not mean we do not ‘DO’ anything. It is a state where our actions spring from our more sensible emotions and our gut-feelings while we stay rooted in the present moment.

DOING, on the other hand, is future-focused. Here the mind creates a series of tasks that take us from our present position to a perceived goal in order to achieve a particular outcome.

The issue with DOING is not that there are goals or outcomes. It is that our whole existence moves into this mechanism of computeristic logic, and in the process gets disconnected from our essential dynamism and intuition.

The mind, ancient wisdom has preached – and this I have found to be true – is a tool like a screwdriver or a hammer. It is a very precise and powerful tool, but it is just a tool, best operated from our higher logic and presence.

When we get ‘lost in the mind’, we forget about our higher logic and presence and instead operate as a shadow of our real selves. A hammer can build a house or can destroy it.

I have discovered that to determine whether my actions are coming from DOING or BEING, I need only look at the emotion behind the decision. Is it FEAR or PASSION?

Understanding this distinction has allowed me to achieve much greater results in my life with much less effort and a supreme level of joy.

Realize – Every day is not the same:

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Entrepreneurs are generally full of energy.  They see a day well spent only when worked hard.  They have a natural tendency to feel low on days they did not work hard enough. They however, need to understand two vital things. One: Each day is not the same. It is now proven by Scientists each one of us have our own physical, mental and emotional cycles and patterns. These are days when we are at our physical peak, there are others when we are more blessed with mental abilities. So do not expect yourself to peak out every day.  If you did not have 12 hours spent in the office, it does not mean you were not efficient. Instead on days you find yourself not ticking with certain kind of work, switch to something else where you would find yourself more at home. Two: It is okay some days to peak out on nothing. It is perfectly okay to do “nothing” on days. These are days of “self-contemplation”, “beingness”. In fact they may just be for relaxation. Entrepreneurs do not realize that on days doing nothing can be the most important thing you need to do! I have seen with myself there are days I want to do everything in the world,  there are others I trough out, feel like doing nothing; in fact many even be feeling low, down and out, I now accept that as a natural phase of being human, rather than resisting it & pushing myself unnecessarily. “Acceptance causes disappearance”, “Resistance causes Persistence”,  I have learnt the hard way.

Heal your Life

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Physical illness has its origin in mental & emotional issues:

Scientists have proven this now.  Let us see some of our physical issues and how they have their genesis in thought and emotional patterns:

BOILS AND BURNS, CUTS, FEVERS, SORES, “ITIS,” AND INFLAMMATIONS all are indications of anger expressing in the body.  Anger will find its way to express, no matter how much we try to suppress it.  Steam that is built up must be released.  We fear our anger, lest we destroy our world, yet anger can be released as simply as saying, “I am angry about this.” True, we can’t always say this to our bosses.  We can, however, beat the bed or scream in the car or play tennis.  These are harmless ways to physically releasing anger.

CANCER is a disease caused by deep resentment held for a long time until it literally eats away at the body.  Something happens in childhood that destroys the sense of trust.   This experience is never  forgotten, and the individual lives with a sense of self-pity, finding it hard to develop and maintain long-term, meaningful relationships.  Because of that belief system, life seems to be a series of disappointments.  A feeling of hopelessness and hopelessness and loss permeates  the thinking, and it becomes easy to blame others for all our problems.  People with cancer are also very self-critical.  To me, learning to love and accept the self is the key to healing cancers.

OVERWEIGHT represents a need for protection.  We seek protection from hurts, slights, criticism, abuse, sexuality and sexual advances; from a fear of life in general and  also specifically.  Take your choice.

I am not a heavy person, yet I have learned over the years that when I am feeling insecure and not at ease, I will put on a few pounds, when the threat is gone, the excess weight goes away by itself.

Fighting fat is a waste of time and energy, Diets don’t work.  The minute you stop, the weight goes back up.  Loving and approving of yourself, trusting in the process of life and feeling life because you know the power of your own mind make up the best diet I know of.  Go on a diet from negative thoughts, and your weight will take care of itself.

Too many parents stuff food in a baby’s mouth no matter what the problem is.  These babies grow up to stand in front of an open refrigerator saying, “I don’t know what I want,” whenever there is a problem.

PAIN of any sort, to me, is an indication of guilt.  Guilt always seeks punishment, and punishment creates pain.  Chronic pain comes from chronic guilt, often so deeply buried that we are not even aware of it anymore.

Negative thinking clogs up the brain and there is no room for love and joy to flow in its free and open way.

Laughter cannot flow if it is not allowed to be free and foolish.  It is the same with love and joy.  Life is not grim unless we make it so, unless we choose to look at it in that way.  We can find total disaster in the smallest upset, and we can find some joy in the greatest tragedy.  It is up to us.

Sometimes we create strokes to force us to go in a totally different direction, to revaluate our lifestyles.

STIFFNESS in the body represents stiffness in the mind.  Fear make us cling to old ways, and we find it difficult to be flexible.   If we believe there is “only one way” to do something, we often find ourselves becoming stiff.  We can always find another way to do things.  Remember Virginia Satir and her more than 250 different ways to do dishes.

SWELLING of the body represents clogging and stagnation in the emotional thinking.  We create situations where we get “hurt”, and we cling to these memories.  Swelling often represents bottled up tears, feeling stuck and trapped or blaming others for our own limitations.

TUMORS are false growths.  An oyster takes a tiny grain of sand and to protect itself, grows a hard and shiny shell around it.  We call it a pearl and think it is beautiful.

We take on old hurt and nurse it and keep pulling the scab off it, and in time we have a tumor.

I call this running the old movie.  I believe the reason women have so many tumors in the uterus area is that they take an emotional hurt,  a blow to their femininity, and nurse it.  I call this the “He done me wrong” syndrome.

Just because a relationship ends does not mean there is something wrong with us, nor does it lessen our self-worth.


Louise Hey
You can Heal your Life

The Way Out of Pain

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Thinking:  Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don’t realize this because almost everybody is suffering from it so it is considered normal.  The constant mental noise does two things: one, it prevents you from finding the realm of inner stillness; two: it creates a false mind-made self that casts a shadow of fear and suffering.

Mind: Identification with mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, words, judgments and definitions that block all true relationships.

The mind is a superb instrument when used rightly.  Used wrongly, it becomes very destructive.  In fact you do not use it, it uses you. Mind loves to get its teeth into problems.  Whether doing crossword puzzles or making atom bombs, it loves to work incessantly like a Godzilla that knows no stops.

Our mind generates constant inner dialogue, you are never free from it.  In fact the only difference between mad and sane people is whether the dialogue is audible or not.  The voice in the head comments, speculates, judges, compares, complains, likes, dislikes… all the time.  It is either reviving the recent or distant past or rehearsing or imagining possible future situations.

Even if the voice is relevant to the situation in the present, it interprets it based on the past conditioning of the mind, a result of your past history as well as the collective mindset your inherited.

Freeing from the Mind:  The good news is that you can free yourself from the mind.  By “listening” to the thought and not “becoming” the thought you will soon realize there is a voice and here I am listening to it.   This realization arises from beyond the mind.  Listen to your mind, do not judge it as judgment is again from the mind. As you do it, for the first time you “disidentify” from the mind.

Ego:  Because we are so identified and addicted with mind thinking it creates a phantom self, the” ego ”. To the ego the present moment hardly exists, only past and future are important. The thinking in the present is only based on the past or future,  in fact, only past as our future is merely a recreation of what one has gone through in the past.

As you begin observing your mind, you create “gaps” in your thinking that make you experience “Inner Stillness” or “ No Mind”.

Emotion:   Emotion is the body’s reaction to your mind.  It arises at the place where mind and body meet.  For example, a hostile thought will create a build-up of energy in the body that we call “anger”.  The thought that you are being threatened physically or psychologically causes the body to contract and results in emotion called “fear”.  The more you are identified with thinking the stronger your emotional charge will be.  If you have learnt to cut yourself off from your emotions, eventually you will experience them as a physical problem,  or disease.  Ultimately most diseases are caused because you are at dis-ease: with something, resulting in long-lasting emotions.

Pain:    All emotions are manifestation of only one root emotion “Fear”.  It can also be called “Pain”.  There are two levels of your pain. That you create now and one created from the past. Pain is inevitable as long as you are identified with your mind. Most part of pain is unnecessary as it is self-created through unobserved mind running our life.


The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as it unobserved mind runs your life.  The intensity of pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment and this depends on how strongly you are identified with mind.  Mind and time are inseparable.  Time is of two types – Physical time and Psychological time.  While physical time is a reality of your life, psychological time is not – it is created by you.

Mind creates “Ego”, the phantom self.  It tends to protect you through the creation of ego, the feeling of “I”, the only worry it can protect is by creating a feeling you are “threatened” in some way and then finding a “solution” to that “threat”.  It is like a child creating a phantom situation of “War” through his plastic sword and toy solders that in reality are only toys and not real.  But the creation of “ego”gives enough energy and occupation to the mind to keep working, its only requirement for survival.  That keeps us in the world of duality, pleasure, pain and happiness.